Amy Winehouse snorts into Uncyclopedia the content-free encyclopedia

“If I… *sniff*… snort hard enough… *sniff*… I can move continents… *sniff, cough* Yeah, maaan…”

Excerpt: Amy Wine-Vodka-Whiskey-Bourbon-House (sometimes shortened to Amy Beercastle), (1983-2009…..what was that? She’s still alive?), otherwise known as Amy Whinehouse or Valerie, is an English singer, drug-addict, songwriter and undead evil sorceress with numerous dead babies in his/her weave. His/Her diet consists entirely of meth, cocaine, and various “plant” varieties. He/She is a breeding ground for numerous STDs. He/she is also a well-respected philanthropist and activist, being President of the Association for the Elimination of Discrimination of People with Only One Nostril.

“Cocaine is an excellent source of 14 essential nutrients” ~ Amy Winehouse on Amy Winehouse

Source: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Amy_Winehouse

Keep off the Grass – Issue 206

Don’t smoke weed. You’ll end up telling your friends you made a shirt for David Bowie. And that Bradford Cox called you on the phone. And that you did chemistry in VCE, and they’ll let you cook your own food at the Grace Darling. And that you discovered the magical commune where old bikes are made anew, and dreadlocks and pot fall from the sky like the gentle rains. What a load of crap.
Three thousand has the dope, I mean scope, I mean scoop.

Cab Sav presents The Imperial Panda Festival!

Six Minute Soul Mate is a performance work from Brown Council that explores the nature of love and romance within a contemporary quick fix culture. Short performative vignettes are spun into an absurd conveyer belt of images that spiral out of control like a barn dance doped up on cocaine.

Utilising the structure of a real speed-dating night, Brown Council examines modern modes of courtship and investigates how it is that we attempt to perform intimacy in a society obsessed with speed. The audience will find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of speed-dates, clichés and conventions of romance, desire and love, all played out and repeated like an old broken record.

4 SHOWS ONLY. SEATS ARE STRICTLY LIMITED, AVAILABLE AT THE DOOR APPROXIMATELY ONE HOUR PRIOR TO THE PERFORMANCE.

Sat Feb 14 9pm, Sun Feb 15- Mon Feb 16 5pm & 9pm
302 Cleveland St, Sydney, Australia
Contact Info Email: theimperialpanda@gmail.com

Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think

This one from The Onion is a real corker!

CHICAGO—Health experts have long known that drinking red wine can have such positive benefits as reducing blood vessel damage, lowering the risk of heart attack, and preventing harmful LDL cholesterol from forming. But researchers at the Northwestern University Department of Preventive Medicine have recently found that the consumption of four to six glasses of red wine, most notably at dinner or a family function, may be linked to totally going off on one’s mom.

According to a study published Monday in The American Journal Of Medicine, a previously unknown ingredient in red wine has been shown to cause a marked improvement of vocal clarity and emotional acuity—while reducing overall inhibition—after only four glasses.

During routine trials, subjects who imbibed five glasses or more showed a remarkable increase in specific mental functions, such as the ability to recall every time their mothers had been unsupportive of their boyfriends or husbands.

A striking reduction in the time needed to translate personal epiphanies into loud, public epiphanies was also noted.

“It seems the benefits of red wine consumption are virtually limitless,” said Dr. Susan Zheng, lead researcher on the study. “Many were unable to recall a single time their mother had paid more attention to their sister’s soccer games than to their starring role in the school play. But after drinking only one bottle of standard Merlot, these participants could not only remember, but could actually sing whole stretches of Annie Get Your Gun, even while sobbing. It’s extraordinary.”

Read more from The Onion

Entheogenesis Australis – a Flashback & Review

It looked like water blending with oil as a hundred or more delegates to the Entheogenesis Australis Symposium (Dec 6th, Melbourne) edged their way through the crowds of silk edged black robes of Melbourne University students on their graduation day. 
 
Safely inside the auditorium the attendees where greeted by the affable Tim Payne who explained how he used drugs to discover more about himself and how we need to overcome the dopamine reward cycle of addiction that keeps most people coming back to drugs habitually. 
 
The spiritual dimension of psychedelic drugs was only touched on a few more times in the symposium which was much more focussed on the scientific, historical and regulatory issues of drugs ranging from mushrooms to absinthe, ephedra and iboga. 
 
As expected, Dr David Caldicott delivered a highly entertaining presentation and focussed on education and responsibility. He spent time going through the at times hilarious findings of the OzTox quiz on shroom identification. 
 
He also later called for the EGA to fill a role of advocacy and education during the panel discussion on harm reduction. 
 
The symposium ended with a Deva Daricha, a contemporary Australian shaman who explained how we need a shared meaning in our lives that will enable true culture to exist and how he is using ritual and ceremony to tap into the unconscious.

More on Entheogenesis Australias

ABC’s Peter Lloyd gets 10 months’ jail

ABC foreign correspondent Peter Lloyd has been sentenced to 10 months in a Singapore prison after being caught in possession of a small amount of methamphetamine or ‘ice’ in the island state famous for its hardline stance against drugs.

Lloyd had pleaded guilty to three drugs charges including possessing ice. He was composed as he learned of his fate.

He was handcuffed and taken to Changi prison after saying goodbye to his distressed former wife, Kirsty McIvor.

The ABC said the conviction meant Lloyd’s employment with the national broadcaster had now ended.

“Peter Lloyd has been sentenced to 10 months in prison in Singapore today on drug-related charges, and as such the ABC’s employment relationship with Peter has come to an end,” an ABC Corporate spokeswoman said in a statement.

“This is due to the fact that Peter is unavailable to work.

“The ABC has valued and respected Peter as an employee and as an outstanding journalist who is widely admired by colleagues and industry peers.”

The broadcaster said it spent more than $65,000 on initial legal support, counselling and related travel expenses since Lloyd’s arrest earlier this year.

Earlier, his lawyer had told the court that Lloyd wanted to be reunited with his nine-year-old son, who is seriously ill.

Lloyd, 42, appeared before Singapore’s subordinate court, where a judge, Hamidah Ibrahim, handed down the sentence.

Lloyd, who had postings in Bangkok and New Delhi and covered some of the most traumatic stories in the region over the past five years, has said he became an infrequent user of ice because it eased the recurrent nightmares he was suffering due to post-traumatic stress disorder.

The well-regarded television and radio journalist had also split from his wife and come out as a homosexual in the months prior to his arrest.

More from the Age>…

Selling fast – Entheogenesis Australis Symposium

Entheogenesis Australis Symposium: An Educative Antidote to the ‘War on Drugs’ Debate

On Saturday December 6, 2008, the University of Melbourne’s Copland Theatre will play host to the 2008 Entheogenesis Australis Symposium. One of the few conferences of its kind where the general public are welcomed to attend, the Symposium will bring together more than 300 of Australia’s leading thinkers to examine the roles psychoactive plants and chemicals play in human society.

The Entheogenesis Australis (EGA) Symposium is designed to bring balance to the 37 year-old ‘War on Drugs’ debate, highlighting the fundamental functions ‘altered states of consciousness’ have played within human society throughout the ages.

In the midst of public uproar surrounding liquor licensing restrictions and alcohol being linked to twice as many abuse incidents as illicit drugs[1], attendees at the 2008 EGA Symposium will hear thought-provoking presentations such as ‘Wine: Medicine or Poison’, ‘Why are we still taking drugs? and ‘Psychotropic Mushrooms, an analysis of misidentification’.

The EGA Symposium features keynote lectures from respected authorities including Dr David Caldicott (Royal Adelaide Hospital), Dr Des Tramacchi (University of Queensland) and Dr Anna Kokavec (La Trobe University), to examine the anthropology, chemistry, pharmacology, botany, physiology psychology, neuroscience perspectives of plant-based empathogens[2] and their exciting modern-day applications.

The cultural, public policies and legal precedents surrounding empathogens will also be addressed, illustrating the emotional and highly politicised ‘War on Drugs’ debate as it continues to play out across the media and in Australian courtrooms.

A full list of speakers and their topics may be found at http://www.entheo.net/2008speakers.htm.

The Rise of Luxury Rehab (New Yorker)

Just before dawn one morning in June, Howard Samuels, the executive director of the Wonderland Center—a private alcohol-and-drug rehab facility in West Hollywood, California—was standing in the spacious foyer of his Craftsman-style house, greeting his publicist, Cathy Griffin. They were about to head over to Fox Studios, where Samuels, who frequently turns up on the punditry circuit when an actor overdoses, relapses, or checks herself in, was scheduled to discuss the recent drug bust of Tatum O’Neal and the apparent bisexuality of Lindsay Lohan, on “The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet.” “Do you want any coffee?” Samuels asked Griffin, adding, “I’ve had two cups already.” Samuels is a recovering cocaine and heroin addict who in August, at the age of fifty-six, celebrated twenty-four years of sobriety. Caffeine is the only addictive substance permitted in the Samuels household. (His thirty-eight-year-old wife, Gabrielle, has also conquered several addictions—alcohol, crystal meth, and compulsive eating.) Samuels is a tall, solidly built man with close-set green eyes, a prominent nose, and lips that cover his teeth when he talks, occasionally giving the impression of missing dentures. He was wearing a gray linen Armani jacket with cuffed jeans and Converse Chuck Taylor sneakers.

“Did you see the New York Post?” Griffin asked, wrestling a manila folder from her slouchy pink-leather purse. She began to brief Samuels on the celebrity stumbles that he’d be discussing. The day before, Tatum O’Neal had been caught attempting to buy crack on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. “Originally, Tatum’s story was that she was researching a role,” Griffin explained. “Now she’s saying her dog’s death prompted the drug buy.”

More of this article>…

New Longevity Drug Poised to Tackle Diseases of Aging

Cancer, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, heart disease: All have stubbornly resisted billions of dollars of research conducted by the world’s finest minds. But they all may finally be defied by a single new class of drugs, a virtual cure for the diseases of aging.

In labs across the country, researchers are developing several new drugs that target the cellular engines called mitochondria. The first, resveratrol, is already in clinical trials for diabetes. It could be on the market in four years and used off-label as an all-purpose longevity enhancer. Other drugs promise to be more potent and refined. They might even be cheap.

“It’s going to revolutionize western medicine,” said Doug Wallace, a pioneer of mitochondrial medicine at the University of California at Irvine. “All the things that are common for an aging society, and nobody worried about when they died of infectious disease,” he said, could be treated.

If the idea of a cure-all sounds fantastic, that’s because it is. History is littered with failed wonder drugs, elixirs of youth and miracle cures. But these new drugs have shown tremendous promise in mice. And though success in animals is far from a guarantee for humans, the research has gone from tantalizing curiosity to a possible foreshadowing of human health care in the 21st century.

As fewer people in the West die of infectious diseases, these new mitochondrial drugs could prevent a wide range of age-related illnesses, though they likely won’t extend the lifespans of healthy individuals.

More from Wiredscience plus video>…

Entheogenesis Australis

Entheogenesis Australis (EGA) is a not-for-profit association that exists to create a supportive environment that fosters mature, open discussion about psychoactive plants and chemicals. We seek to explore ways to assess societal impacts and examine the positive applications of plant-based psychoactives and empathogens.

Altered states of consciousness have long been a fundamental part of human culture, and as our world becomes increasingly fast-paced, alternative modes are becoming ever more significant and consciously explored.

The Entheogenesis Australis 2008 Symposium aims to address the issues relating to drug use/misuse from social, cultural and historical/traditional perspectives. EGA speakers will draw on the backgrounds of physiology, biology, pharmacology, psychology, neuroscience, anthropology, botany and more to provide a more realistic context to the role drugs and altered states play in the modern world.

If you’ve ever asked yourself “has the ‘War on Drugs’ created more problems than it tried to solve?” or “is MDMA really a more dangerous drug than alcohol?” – then EGA is for you.

Entheogenesis Australis is a collection of thinkers from all walks of life, we come together to share knowledge about sacred plants, chemical alchemy and states of consciousness.

We hope you will join us on this exploration

Saturday, December 6, 2008
Time: 8:45am – 8:45pm
Location: Melbourne University, Copland Theatre – Economics and Commerce Building
Street: Building No 148
City/Town: Melbourne, Australia

For more information and list of speaker:
http://www.entheo.net

Email: entheogenesisaustralis@gmail.com